WELCOME back to our exploration into all things emotional. In this edition our Emotional Health columnist LEIGH SMITH, gives us a glimpse of what’s going on inside our multi faceted selves.
New breakthroughs
THERE’s never been a more interesting time to be involved in the counselling profession. Exciting new breakthroughs await around every corner, I am constantly coming across so many new and valuable theories and models to support me in my work with trauma.
We really are living in interesting times.
A little while ago, whilst in a supervision session, I was introduced to the idea of working therapeutically with ‘parts’, a relatively new theory which offers a way to work with complex trauma. Trauma can present in many different ways and sometimes it presents complexities which can be very difficult to work with therapeutically. When my supervisor spoke to me about parts theory I found myself getting so excited at the thought of a way to break through some of the blocks I had earlier experienced when working with complex trauma.
I love learning new things, especially when those new things feel like they’re so obvious that they’ve been there, staring me in the face all along and I’ve only just seen them for the first time. Since being introduced to parts theory I’ve been working more and more with it in my practice and getting some very interesting and exciting results.
Let me tell you a bit more about PARTS
In the early 1990s Dr. Richard Schwartz was exploring how our different ego states are internalized, and how they sometimes work together in harmony but can also become conflicted in how they support us. This was the beginning of Internal Family Systems therapy.
The core principle of Internal Family Systems therapy is that all of us have a core Self, or Organised Self, that cannot be damaged and is calm, connected and compassionate. As we go through life we have the need to develop less central ego states (Parts) which are originally developed in order to protect us from harm. These parts have good intentions, and work hard to protect us, but over time they can become extreme and overprotective, and this can lead to inner conflict. For example, the part we may have developed when we were abandoned as a child which told us:
“push people away, don’t let them get close, because they will only hurt you when they leave you”
As a child this part may have given us strength and independence, and ways to cope with being alone, but as an adult it may now be causing hostile behaviours in our intimate relationships.
We often do not notice the different parts within us until they become maladapted and start causing us conflict, but it so important to remember that there are no ‘bad parts’, each one was created to protect us from harm. So, before we try to exile these parts, first we need to know how they serve us, and this is where the therapy becomes fascinating.
In my practice one of the things I am finding the most exciting about working with parts is how we can create a dialogue directly with the part, and hear first hand why it is there, ask it what it needs, and negotiate with it to work in harmony with all of the other parts. I am loving how readily my clients are able to access their internal parts and fully connect with them, which can be extremely liberating and powerful.
I am seeing clients creatively negotiate with their parts, using their Organised Self like a conductor to orchestrate harmony, balance and control. This is fascinating to experience, and, when we address parts of the psyche with respect and dignity, they are very responsive and ready to be heard. Sometimes they feel ignored or undervalued, and surprisingly they can still see the client as a very small child who needs their protection. I guess nobody ever explained that their role would be temporary.
Do you recognise some of your own ‘parts’? perhaps this is making sense of some unwanted behaviour that feels out of your control? If so I urge you to find a counsellor who can support some ‘parts’ exploration with you. Perhaps someone trained in Internal Family Systems or IFS.
But if that isn’t possible perhaps you could start to identify that you too have different parts, and maybe get to know them a little, accept that they are trying in their own way to protect you, and maybe as healing occurs, your system will become calmer and you will feel able to respond differently, with some clarity, and show up in the world in ways you had never imagined possible, less reactive, less burdened with shame, in better relationship with others and more compassionate with yourself.