Welcome back to our exploration into all things emotional. In this edition our Emotional Health columnist LEIGH SMITH discusses the value of true self-worth, how to build it, and why so many of us live with…
I T’S EASY to recognise a person with high self worth, they’re the one expressing opinions, standing out from the crowd, being successful in work and relationships and not feeling like a victim. Nothing seems to get in their way, and life seems to be an interesting and fulfilling game, rather than a constant battle. Is this you? Or do you suffer from the debilitating effects of low self worth? Our self worth has a massive effect on the way we live our lives, and can influence the choices we make, our relationships, how we socialise, and how creative we are in our lives. Your self worth is how you regard yourself, the value you place on your own life, it is how you understand your unique qualities, your strengths and personal attributes. Having a low self worth can hold you back from so much of what life has to offer; negative thoughts about yourself can cause you to withdraw from people and opportunities, and develop destructive patterns of behaviour leading to anxiety or depression. So why do some of us feel we are valuable and worthy, whilst others feel worthless and inadequate? There are many facets to the creation of a healthy self worth. Genetics plays a part, but primarily it is shaped by a combination of our life experiences and most importantly how we make sense of those experiences. What can we do if we didn’t have the most positive upbringing and our self worth is at rock bottom? Don’t despair, take action, you actually do deserve to have a wonderful and fulfilling life. Here are some top tips to building some real self worth: Sack the inner critic Start by noticing how often you berate yourself, the negative messages you have playing on a loop. These messages are working to keep your self worth down, they are sabotaging you, and it’s time to give them a run for their money. When you do spot them, name them; “aha there’s that nasty thought I sometimes have”… and put yourself back in control. Learn to make a game out of spotting them and blasting them right out of the water. Remember that you are valuable, you are unique and there is no one as good at being you as you. That inner critic is fired! Finding the positive Spend time focusing on your positives, no matter how small they are to you, ask yourself what you do well? What do people say you are good at? Be brave, and ask your loved ones for one thing they like about you. We can feel embarrassed and find it hard to believe positive things about ourselves, but take them anyway, store them until you can fully own them, stock up your larder. Celebrate your successes There’s no doubt you are all too aware of each mistake you make, but at the end of each day ask your self: “what did I achieve today?” No matter how small celebrate your successes, build on the ability to recognise your worth and own it. Become your own coach Start to develop some positive self talk; “well done Leigh, you handled that with care” encourage yourself with kindness to take little risks: “go on Leigh have a go, it’s ok to get it wrong, it will be fun to try”. You can coach yourself to notice how well you are doing and how hard you are trying. Even when you fail your inner coach can still egg you on: “it’s ok to get things wrong Leigh, you’re doing so well and have already made some improvements, keep going, I believe in you” Surround yourself with the right people Take an inventory of the people in your life who don’t appreciate you or that leave you feeling bad about yourself, and make time to connect more with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself. Some people are just not healthy for you to be around, and you deserve to be surrounded by people who have your best interests at heart. This might involve making some social changes and learning to take a deep breath and say ‘no’ before agreeing to doing something which you know isn’t right for you. Remember that you really are worth it!