You wouldn’t expect to find the answer to life the universe and everything over a weekend in Dorset, but Scott, believes he has found the answer to one question…
SOMEONE suggested I “cheer up, and act happy” the other day. It came as a shock to me, I’ve always worn my emotions on my sleeve. I’ve never considered trying to pretend to be anything other than whatever emotional state I find myself in. I guess, my line of thinking has always been that not masking your emotions means people can’t think you’re fine if you’re not. The downside is that most people think I’m fairly cantankerous, but it’s just my default facial expression. Defensive pessimism (expecting the worst and mentally rehearsing how things might go wrong) has stood me in good stead. I tend not to be surprised when they do, usually exclaiming: “Oh Noooo!!” and having planned for a negative outcome I’m fairly well prepared to quickly rectify it. It also seems to improve the likelihood of things actually not going wrong if you plan for most eventualities. To act happy seems counterintuitive to my Eeyore-like attitude. However, having given it a trial it does appear that fostering happiness does make me feel positive, and seems to change my outlook for the better. By the way, I don’t mean I’m a generally unhappy person, I’m grateful I’m fairly upbeat generally. It’s just that I’ve not really tried to cultivate optimism mentally. I tend to obsess over the issues of the world, which rarely results in me thinking the future is bright. I do savour life’s joys like a well cooked meal, a well completed task, or a good tune. My goals aren’t wealth, power, or fame, but trying to live simply. I realise positive thinking and a relentless upbeat spirit can move mountains, but it’s hard for me personally to reach that point even with regular meditation and exercise. The baggage around global economic forces, growing environmental issues, political ineptitude (on both sides of the Atlantic), and the symptoms of this era from the overarching failure of capitalism all mount up. An always look-on-the-bright-side attitude seems to me ill-suited to our current economic troubles. I’ve met people who ignore any negativity in their lives, who believe somehow the world will improve if you ignore it and remain upbeat, optimistic and brimming with confidence. But, I feel too many people do ignore it, I want it highlighted, and fixed (as soon as possible). My belief has always been that most of the ills of this world have been created by impervious people set on making their wealth at any cost. The banking crisis and all the austerity that followed was created by bankers with a philosophy that if you really, really want something, you don’t need to worry about failure or the consequences to people’s lives. The bankers’ mistake was they were wrapped up in realising their own happiness, rather than bringing happiness to others. But, that hasn’t stopped me trying to work out how to make myself happy. I think we all seek that. Positive affirmations were a good start but with my own low self-esteem it tended to lower rather than raise my spirits when I was experiencing adverse circumstances. Then I discovered gratitude. Being grateful for what I have, being grateful that I was here to witness a historic period of such economic, environmental, and political turmoil. I’d found a key to being happy, ‘things I am currently thankful for’, and that gratefulness then created a positive shift in my state of mind. I haven’t made a regime of being grateful, I don’t do a daily list of things that I’m grateful for, or anything like that. But, it does seem to change my attitude and lead to me actually not being miserable, a resilience to any feelings of anxiety and depression. I’m not a fan of that American fixed smile happy-clappy, superficial optimism. I may be a bit less anxious but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna dance in the streets. True happiness, I think, isn’t about a fixed grin, it’s about your wellbeing and making others more positive. Warmth and gentle humour, optimism, and friendship. Good relationships are reliant on treating all people with respect, and viewing strangers in a good light. That gives you a real, relaxed smile when you encounter new people or enter a new place. That’s what I aim for, which means for me at least being not overly cautious of outcomes (that’s hard). I was at a festival the other day, the End Of The Road in Dorset, and as I walked through a throng of people, the hubbub and the noise, the smells of life – food, woodsmoke, ripe bins and tanning lotion, the wind blew the sun onto my face, and I was suddenly blissfully happy to be in that moment on a dusty footpath. I was reminded again that it’s experiencing life, being outdoors, meeting people, exploring new sights and sounds, that make me happiest, and I grinned for ages.